Today, self-proclaimed musical genius and social media influencer, ZodokSnore967, broke news that he’d in fact figured out the secret meaning to David Bowie’s classic hit, Space Oddities. Rather than get to the point, however, he opened with a rambling diatribe about an isolated comment left on one of his videos, and then through an even longer endorsement of the VPN network he uses. We take you to just before his major announcement.

“Well as you all know I can now make music from a text prompt — which in turn means that I actually created that music with my own well-wrought experience and skill — which is of course why I’m probably more talented than Beethoven now — or even Mr. Bowie for that matter!” Z-Snore proclaimed and then laughed and chortled for a bit.

After pausing for several seconds to react to something no one else could see and then touch prompts in the air relayed through his magical viewfinder, Z-Snore continued. “Yeah I’m definitely the greatest now,” he stated smugly. “And because I only hear and see what I want, I’ve also discovered the secret meaning behind Crowd Control to Major Tom or whatever the dumb name of that song was!”

He explained further. “Turns out the guy was just some jerk who was way too into crowd control. You can check out more about that on my Crowd Control Theory channel — I mean we all know why we shouldn’t always be pro-crowd control — but this guy was a total fascist about it!” This time when Z-Snore stopped his mood suddenly shifted and his hands began to tremble.

“The chip in my head allows me communicate telepathically through the wi-fi!!” he finally screamed and then furrowed his brow in what appeared to be an attempt to mentally transcribe the lyrics of the song onto the wall for us. However, because it was only something that he could see, he begrudgingly and very scornfully broke character to sing the song out-loud.

“Crowd control to Tom, I think you’re wrong!
Because they’re moving fast! 
And I think we’re past securing them today! 
And I don’t like your brand of crowd control, ok?!”

Becoming increasingly agitated, Z-Snore then emitted a high-pitched frequency which dimmed the lights in the room and caused an absolutely amazing laser show to commence. This member of the press was impressed! The event finally concluded with Z-Snore seemingly coming back to us — albeit with a more vacant stare and increased monotone in his voice — to announce that after the next brain implant his new life as a refrigerator can finally begin. Great job Z-Snore! You gonna make that ice-ice baby! Another million views to you!