Category: The Real Mews
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All Dans Go to Heaven
The guy who owned the last American mall, Dan Abramson, passed away last Friday after a long battle with failure. He was 54 years old. Dan’s only financial asset in life, the Okanawa Valley Mall – an albatross he often referred to as his ‘personal hell’ or ‘God’s revenge’ – will finally be bull-dozed on Monday. Local…
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Walkers in the Sun
Almost every rock and roll fan knows The Doors. They were true music legends, and pioneers of what we now call the Acid Rock movement. Up all night and high on peyote, the ever impervious Jim Morrison blabbered continuously into a microphone – and we loved it! Yes, he was amazing, but few people realize…
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Brain Snaps!®
A new online game is taking the socials by storm, with some calling it the most intelligent — and evil — game ever devised. Created by former aviatrix, Vivian J. Jefferson, Brain Snaps!® combines trivia and colorful puzzles with real magic — or as critics claim — dark and spooky sorcery. As such, the game and…
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Safety First at Triassic Park
Have you ever heard of an amusement park filled with dinosaurs?! Well, today millions of people experienced the grand opening of the world’s first dinosaur “zoo” — Triassic Park — and surprisingly, nothing went wrong! From its inception, there were no incidents involving a compromised raptor transport crate — something that theoretically could have sparked…
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Gorton’s Neurology
Do you notice that you can’t remember anything lately? Does your brain feel like a giant bucket of mud? Are you thinking about absolutely nothing — right now?? Well before spending hundreds of dollars on a brain transplant, consider neurology with the brand you trust — Gorton’s! After mastering physical therapy, we used AI to…
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Lord, Bless This Mess
In breaking social media news today, commercial creators around the globe finally revealed the sordid truth behind your sneezing. As understood by the ancients before us and finally confirmed by patriotwinner1776, we now know that a sneeze is, in fact, your soul attempting to escape your body. In addition, we have also learned that those who…
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I Don’t Know Why the Toilet Squeaks
a drab toilet squeaks in the bathroom again is it too much pressure in a pipe? or a one frozen, on the mend? as I peer at it closely in the harsh yellow light it dares to ring out like a bell why does this toilet croon from deep within it’s bowl? when I flush…
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The Guy Who Owns the Mall
Good morrow, everyone. It is I, Dan Abramson, aka The Guy Who Owns the Mall. Welcome to my first reoccurring column, given to me by the cats that work at The Real Mews. Now I can say what I want – when I want – and I no longer have to contain my angry tirades…
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The Power of Fire Personal Organizer
Having trouble making meetings on time? Did you miss your own birthday because you got sidetracked by another meeting? Are you scheduling a meeting right now?? You need to get organized. Welcome to your new life 2.0 with the Power of Fire Personal Organizer. Just write your appointments onto a slip of paper and toss…
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Proud to be a Republidemoplicratoplican
In a stunning first, numerous conservative and liberal leaders have decided to join forces today. The announcement came amidst rumors on Capitol Hill that elected officials have finally ‘put aside their differences’ and will now focus their energy on ‘working for the common good of the people.’ Effectively creating a third party, they unanimously agreed that…
The Real Mews 