Hollywood was left in shock today after learning that one of their biggest stars has been habitually pooping in garbage cans on or around movie sets, and that his identity is close to being revealed. While refusing to name the suspect until DNA results are confirmed, film executive Donna Schneider sat down with The Real Mews to discuss the situation.

“The mystery man – let’s call him – I don’t know – ‘Tim Clues’ – has been secretly relieving himself in wired waste baskets for decades. Naturally we assumed that it was one of the animal actors that are often involved with shoots, but now it’s evident that we’re dealing with a human culprit, and frankly one who’s struggling with gastric issues and should consult his doctor.” 

She sighed. “And he’s becoming more brazen. Last week we were talking in the hallway when he excused himself and entered an empty board room. Several minutes later he re-emerged with a fantastic grin on his face. When I finally caved to my greater sensibilities and looked inside, there was a fresh human size poop in the waste bin.”

When asked why such a high-profile person would do something so depraved, Donna smiled wryly. “You know,” she replied. “I think he does it because he knows he can. And I think he knows that we know – which is more than likely the main thrill. It’s a cat and mouse game for him now, and honestly I don’t think he’s going to stop – even once he’s exposed.”

In other news, the fifty-seventh film in your favorite high-octane, action-packed movie franchise has begun principal photography. Workers on set have reported a sudden abundance of wire waste bins.