A priest who once helped hospice patients cross over to the other side has ditched his Catholic tutelage to become a full-time professional runner in The Valley of the Dead. We talked with the former father, Francis Gabriel, as he explained this decision in elaborate detail.

“It all started with Judith Robinson,” he began with a grin. “I was reciting the Lord’s Prayer to her when I was suddenly sucked into the metaphysical aura of her passing. When I came to, we were in a fiery pit between two tall mountains. I immediately recognized this as The Valley of the Dead. I screamed at Judith to start running, but she was too feeble, and she would have slowed me down.”

“I pushed her to the ground and bolted for my life. There were a million voices, taunting me, but soon those taunts turned into cheers, and before I knew it, I was hearing things like “go Father Gabriel!” And “look at that form!” And “keep running!!“

He smiled even wider. “I was like a beautiful gazelle, running for all of the priests before me! When I finally stopped and turned around, a group of spirits had gathered, so I leapt into the air and exclaimed with certainty that ‘I, Father Gabriel, was the best runner in The Valley of the Dead!!‘”

Our interview ended prematurely as the father leapt up and exclaimed those exact words. Unfortunately, he then tripped over the camera equipment, hit his head, and died. The Real Mews mourns Father Gabriel and supports the Father Gabriel Foundation. Please donate.