P/uː/pi executives revealed Thursday that Icelandic pop star, Gorko, will be the newest face of their brand. Gorko recently became an overnight sensation – not only for her unique brand of pop music – but also for her discovery of bio-travel, a method of traveling through wormholes by strategically releasing compact bursts of loose fecal matter into the toilet or the street.

When we interviewed Gorko she appeared queasy. “I’ve been eating large amounts of hotdogs and ramen,” she began. “With practice, I’ve learned to harness the power of their fuel in my belly.” She stopped and burped before continuing.

“The first time I bio-traveled, it began as a low rumble. My butthole became sharp as I released a sudden explosion of diarrhea through it. That’s when I shot off into the sky like a rocket. It was from there that I discovered the myriad of wormholes that exist in our atmosphere, and I traveled all over this world and to other planets and dimensions.”

P/uː/pi spokesperson Marc Roberts, creeping from the background, suddenly jumped in. “We are absolutely thrilled by the addition of this poop bag. With her on the team, we’ve now learned how to access wormholes that will stream our content directly into your brain. Think about it – for the cost of a packet of ramen, several cans of Vienna sausages, and a new pair of pants – you TOO can do the P/uː/pi Blastoff! Hell, if you wear a skirt, you can forget about replacing the pants!”

The first ad featuring Gorko will be released next Monday.

Editor’s Note: After writing this story, Gorko bio-traveled into a forbidden wormhole, and is now stuck in dimension Xirgon V.