In a startling upset to the green community, Sergeant Planet announced that he would stop focusing on bringing pollution down to zero, and begin addressing the numerous allegations of environmental misconduct leveled against him. The news was met with dismay by confused fans, and protestors spilled into the streets – many of them fed up with the lies of Mr. Planet.

One of five Planetauts, Monty McGill, the master of heart, voiced support for his embattled employer in a rally on Tuesday. “I may be drunk,” he began in a slurred drawl, “but I do know a thing or two about David Jeffrey Planet,” he said and smiled coyly. After standing in front of the crowd for nearly a minute, McGill then screamed, “David just wanted to save your fucking planet!” He was eventually escorted off of the stage.

The next speaker, Linda, the summoner of wind, who was high on cocaine, took the conference in a much different direction when she accused the audience of stealing her thoughts and not giving her enough bison butter to cook. Just as the shock began to ebb, a bald man clapping sarcastically approached the microphone.

“You see folks,” he said. “Do you see your heroes now?!” he demanded as the curtain parted to reveal all five Planetauts, disheveled and passed out. It was Garbage Greedly. Luckily, David was in the audience. “The power is ours!” he screamed and shot into the sky displaying the bird with both hands. Unfortunately, he didn’t see a jet plane overhead. The two collided and Mr. Planet plummeted into the Atlantic ocean, where he was drowned. The plane then crash landed into the heart of Los Angeles, claiming the lives of thousands.

David Planet, himself, was over 20,000 years old.

At his funeral, the Planetauts assembled their rings for one last time, hoping that by summoning Mother Gaia – a deity also known as Jennifer Sanders – they could blame their hedonistic crimes on her. Luckily, she was tipped off, and she closed the magical portal. This caused the collective clink of their rings to create an explosion – sending them, and their pet monkey, Scrubbles, into the sky, where they also crashed into jets, hurtled backward toward earth, until subsequently exploding upon impact with the Pacific ocean.

Unfortunately, none of them had ever actually participated in legislation to save, or to even maintain, the environment.