Hello again, I’m Borton Brahms, an award winning restaurateur and proud owner of over forty failing hotels. At some point, I promised that I would show you how to make a beautiful Tuna Samsarini, but then my stupid sister Margo took all of my recipes and threw them straight into the bidet!! But no bother. I can execute the recipe perfectly from memory.

The secret to making an incredible Tuna Samsarini is to make sure you lock every ounce of flavor in the pan – and this recipe does exactly that. First take the tuna fillet and coat it in a delicious vinegar batter. Amazing. Yellow carrots – less sassy than an orange carrot and a lot more polite. Turn the gas on. Put a tablespoon of coconut oil into the pan – a tablespoon only because of the fat coming out of the carrot. Carrots in. Stir them vigorously so you can really start to emulsify them. Slice a small radish, including the stem, wasting nothing. Toss that into the pan and mix with the carrot. You want the veg to have zero texture after it’s cooked. I love veg.

Now turn up the gas and get the pan nice and hot. A cup of water goes in. Add the tuna. You’ll see that once you add the tuna everything cools down, and now you’re boiling the carrot, the radish, and the tuna. Turn the heat up to maximum, and then start slashing the mixture with a paring knife. Stir quickly creating a beautiful mash.

Mustard powder in – and you basically sear the mustard powder until black infusing the mash with perfect seasoning. Stop here. Turn the heat off and let sit. The farty flavor of the Samsarini will marinate the room. There’s no need to be hasty. I like to leave it there for several days before eating.

And that’s my recipe for a brilliant Tuna Samsarini. If Margo comes back, please tell her that I’m not going back to my Nanna Wooley Parson’s!! I hate my Nanna Wooley Parson!!