Hello monsters! I must apologize to you in advance for a lack of recent “Devilish Dish” columns on this website. Borton hasn’t been well the past several weeks and has asked me to take over.

Oh muensters, I’m so worried about him. He gets so mad. After making his traditional Tuna Samsarini, he fell to pieces after realizing he forgot the cilantro, promptly disappeared for three days, and woke up screaming at an actual donkey!

Following a stand-off of yelling and berating that lasted several hours, he was interred by Animal Control indefinitely.

My name is Margo – you may remember me from Borton’s diatribes. Mrs. Margaret Judith Montgomery Bobbins!! I’m a British nanny from North Shropshirehamville and specialize in letting people express their emotions and feelings. And children, I love to dance! And sing! Oh ship-ship-shiree, me nanny life is what I be!!

Unlike my foul-mouthed brother, Borton, I shall now teach you how to cook and clean. And next week I will march into one of my sourpuss brother’s hotels and take his place! Oh splendid! Oh, imagine what they’ll think when they expect Borton and get me!! 

Today’s recipe is for a fresh mop water brine I like to call Lemon Samsarini.

First, empty a bucket from your kitchen – any bucket will do. I like to save all of my old mop water so I have hundreds to choose from. Then mix in a heaping cup of lemon extract, three bath beads, and Mother’s day-old butter cream. Incredible. Stir with the vigor of one hundred servant men, with their rippling biceps and oh so tenderly draped loin cloths (oh Jiminy!! I’m blushing!!), and ship-ship-shiree, you’re ready to clean with Margo’s Decadent Lemon Samsarini!

As it looks like I must be taking over for my brother for the next several weeks, stay tuned for subsequent columns about staying fresh, clean, and full of amazing!!