Researchers at The Real Mews have now proven beyond any doubt that birds are secretly arranging the extinction of the human race and the complete annihilation of the planet we lovingly refer to as our Mother Earth. The Real Mews’ lead scientist, Tish Avery, broke the news to a stunned boardroom yesterday.

“When I was sitting in the forest like I do, listening to the sound of the trees and the toots of the wind, it became apparent that there were birds singing. The more I listened, the more I could identify the polyphony. As I deconstructed their words it became obvious that these creatures were extremely bitter about the lack of what they called ‘rich soil worms’.” 

“Their beautiful arias soon turned into low guttural tones of destruction detailing a nuclear holocaust I tremble at even mentioning. After learning of their sick and twisted plans I stood up and loudly proclaimed that ‘the birds are trying to kill us!!!’ A group of people on a pathway nearby heard me and appeared to be as alarmed as I was!”

Local police confirmed that they received numerous reports of an intoxicated woman streaking in a forest behind the local grocery store. The Real Mews has yet to verify the identity of this unknown person, however, we can confirm that the ever-impervious Tish was found in a crawl space beneath the back porch of her parent’s house this morning. Reports indicate that when she came to, she began moaning loudly which woke up her parents, Dan and Marcy. 

“She always comes back!” Mrs. Avery proudly exclaimed.