Three years ago, emerging Icelandic pop-star, Gorko St. John, departed the planet — and ultimately the dimension — using a then relatively unknown form of bio-travel. Since branded the P/uː/pi Blastoff, the technique has long been hailed as a cheap and accessible form of bio-traversal, however, it has also being condemned by astrophysicists for inadvertently ripping apart the fabric of our reality. Unfortunately that hasn’t stopped people from eating large amounts of hotdogs and P/uː/pi Blasting into invisible wormholes — a trend that has now covered our cities with actual crap.

Also see: The Fresh Face of P/uː/pi

Luckily, the wayward Gorko made her triumphant return to Earth this morning — breaking into the inner atmosphere at approximately 10:38am. Donning a sleek new hi-tech bio/robotic posterior device, she navigated through the sky like a gazelle, with large plumes of liquid brown excrement jetting from her like a rocket. With amazement, we watched as Gorko soared over the countryside — gently doing loop-de-loops and other aeronautical maneuvers.

Despite it being a humid eighty-three degrees, the crowd was pleased to notice little brown snowflakes envelop them. Many grew cheerful and gleefully showed off to their friends as they tried to catch them on their tongues. Within minutes the hillsides were blanketed with fresh P/uː/pi Snow, and for a brief moment, it felt as if Christmas had arrived in June this year.

After performing a three hour laser light sequence and singing songs that no one can remember, Gorko finally formed a heart symbol with her hands and looked down upon us all. She then produced and consumed a giant bucket of clams, loudly exclaimed the words “P/uː/pi Power!!!”, and P/uː/pi Blasted into outer space. From there — I imagine — she floats silently through the abyss, tuning into our world like a distant radio — ever vigilant to P/uː/pi Blast back down if we lose our will to hope again.