Yesterday evening, legendary musician William Joyel suffered lethal but non-fatal injuries after stumbling from the top of his own piano. His manager, Rona Davidson, confirmed that William had indeed fallen to his demise and would never be able to live again.

“The incident occurred on Saturday at John’s Tavern downtown,” Davidson explained. “As usual, William was getting his drinks for free. Audience members report that at around nine o’clock, Mr. Joyel became so giddy that he kicked off his shoes and started dancing like the Devil’s apprentice on top of his piano. Unfortunately, he was wearing knee-high socks – Mr. Joyel had a habit of doing this. We had warned him before the show that he wasn’t wearing his typical grippy socks, but when Willy was feeling silly, all warnings went unheeded.”

“While dancing what appeared to be lock and pop versions of his fifty-seven hit songs, Mr. Joyel attempted a Tootsee Roll and slipped straight into the air.” Davidson paused before adding “…and that was the end of old Willy.”

Mr. Joyel leaves behind a trophy wife, three genetically engineered pet goats, and sixteen million three hundred and seventeen dollars.