In a stunning first, numerous conservative and liberal leaders have decided to join forces today. The announcement came amidst rumors on Capitol Hill that elected officials have finally ‘put aside their differences’ and will now focus their energy on ‘working for the common good of the people.’ Effectively creating a third party, they unanimously agreed that they would be known as America’s first Demoplicans!

Story updated 1:03PM CST

A loud and very verbal exchange has developed among the leaders of the newly minted Demoplican party, with a small group now insisting that the party had, in fact, agreed to the name ‘Republicrats’. Calls for a full disbandment and Congressional review have been made. Despite what seemed to be a conciliatory afternoon, it appears that America is destined to remain a polarized, two party system, after all.

Story updated 2:52PM CST

In an inspiring moment of triumph, the Demoplicans and Rublicrats have reunited, once again squashing their differences in favor of uniting before the American public. Holding hands, they belted out a collective “Huzzah!” before a resounding declaration of their fully unified name: “Demoplipublicrats!” Unfortunately, a faint but determined ‘Republidemoplicans’ was also heard during the outcry.

Story updated 3:09PM CST

Fist fights have broken out as the once lauded Demoplipublicrat party has deflated into chaos. A faction now calling themselves ‘Tolkien Demoplipublicrats’ have openly declared war with the ‘radicals’ of the Demoplipublicrat party. What should have been a moment of peace and acceptance has turned into what this reporter can only describe as an absolute nightmare!

Story updated 4:21PM CST

And yet again a third party has united! In a historic first — and amidst overwhelming threats of never-ending conflict and hostility — the Demoplipublicrats and the Republidemoplicans have finally mended their differences to come together as the most powerful coalition in the world! Three cheers to the Demorepublicratoplicans! May there never be another alliance like you!

Story updated 7:07PM CST

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