a drab toilet squeaks
in the bathroom again
is it too much pressure in a pipe?
or a one frozen, on the mend?
as I peer at it closely
in the harsh yellow light
it dares to ring out like a bell

why does this toilet croon
from deep within it’s bowl?
when I flush it once or twice
the squeaking will stop
until the midnight hour
when all wonder doth retired
as it opens it’s mouth and sings

is it broken forever
shall I call on repair?
for I don’t know the origin
of the sad toilet’s knell
that spit’s from it’s lungs
while I’m watching tv
perhaps this mysterious thing
sings of freedom

a free toilet rejects those
that sit on it’s throne
and it never accepts a poop!
and it doesn’t believe in pee!
but a captured toilet lets
out a horrific scream
aghast beyond eternity
it whistles intermittently

a caged toilet pleads
with a sick and haunted moan
for the pooping to stop
though it knows it shall not
and it’s haunted throat bellows
through the fixtures in the hall
man, this stupid fucking toilet
is driving me up the wall!