I ate too many shrimp 
in the fall of ’64
my belly ached
I couldn’t take it anymore
I tooted once or twice
and then there were more
as I became the one who had
to use a bathroom in Leningrad

I searched high and low 
for a place to go
but I was turned away 
or told I had to pay
I had no rubles anyway
because I was poor 
and that’s when it got real bad 
the day I shat in Leningrad

I tried to squeeze it in
but the stomach pains began again 
I looked for a bucket or a wishing well 
I could not blast my pants to hell 
but that fact was hard to kill 
as I felt my trousers start to fill
and that was when I lost the war 
I just couldn’t hold it in anymore

There was an eerie sound
that enveloped the whole town 
and then I started to laugh
like a circus clown
the greatest madness 
I’d ever found
now filled me like I filled my pants
in the town square of Leningrad

The smell lived like a toxic cloud 
even strong men fell and bowed 
choking on the mess they found
it dropped the village to the ground
and in that hot October sun 
I knew the horrid deed was done 
I threw my hands into the air 
I didn’t even have more underwear

So that was the dreadful tale
of when I pooped all over the place 
I hope you’re inspired
or that there’s a smile on your face
but just remember 
if you’re a traveling lad
to always pack more underwear
and to avoid the seafood in Leningrad

— William Joyel