Category: The Real Mews
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Ham and Cheese Toasties
Hello and welcome to another stunning edition of The Devilish Dish. You may not know this, but I’ve always had a passion for flying around in bubble cars. Yes, I, Borton Brahms, routinely fly to a fro in a hovering motor machine whilst wearing a tweed cap and delighting my fellow countryfolk with elaborate and…
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Sergeant Planet the Zero
In a startling upset to the green community, Sergeant Planet announced that he would stop focusing on bringing pollution down to zero, and begin addressing the numerous allegations of environmental misconduct leveled against him. The news was met with dismay by confused fans, and protestors spilled into the streets – many of them fed up…
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A Dollar a Day
At The Real Mews we make a lot of jokes, but today we’d like to tell you about something we’ve been supporting passionately for the past forty years: The Bill Lagos Foundation. For only a dollar a day, a hard-working American can fund Mr. Lagos and his genetically engineered pet eagle, Timmy, for years to…
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Worse than Fear
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” stated a collected Franklin Delano Roosevelt, his visage abruptly wan as he remembered the warm water brain eating amoeba. A sheer panic emerged and Roosevelt’s eyes darted toward several members of the crowd. “We have to boil the water, you idiots!!” he screamed, jumping off…
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The Drunk Swan
Last evening, customer service representative Kristi Williams finally completed the musical ballet she’s been writing and performing in front of her cats for over a decade. With a double plié and a final quadruple soubresaut, Kristi ended the first act, bowed, and proceeded to reflect on the pain that led her to dance like a complete…
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The Fresh Face of P/uː/pi
P/uː/pi executives revealed Thursday that Icelandic pop star, Gorko, will be the newest face of their brand. Gorko recently became an overnight sensation – not only for her unique brand of pop music – but also for her discovery of bio-travel, a method of traveling through wormholes by strategically releasing compact bursts of loose fecal…
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The Electric Piano Man
Everyone knows that Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, but few of us remember his contributions to jam bands and classic rock music. The staff at The Real Mews has uncovered an interview with his wife, Mina Edison, which sheds new light on the legacy of the man we now know as Vitamin E, the heppest…
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Don’t Call Me Doctor
To honor the medical professionals that work tirelessly around the clock to keep us healthy, we bring you the courageous story of a man who wouldn’t settle for being a registered nurse practitioner — a man who would eventually fulfill his lifelong dream of becoming a doctor of medicine — and a man who would…
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Father Gabriel’s Grand Hustle
A priest who once helped hospice patients cross over to the other side has ditched his Catholic tutelage to become a full-time professional runner in The Valley of the Dead. We talked with the former father, Francis Gabriel, as he explained this decision in elaborate detail. “It all started with Judith Robinson,” he began with a…
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Emission Possible
Hollywood was left in shock today after learning that one of their biggest stars has been habitually pooping in garbage cans on or around movie sets, and that his identity is close to being revealed. While refusing to name the suspect until DNA results are confirmed, film executive Donna Schneider sat down with The Real…
The Real Mews 