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Hello monsters! I must apologize to you in advance for a lack of recent “Devilish Dish” columns on this website. Borton hasn’t been well the past several weeks and has asked me to take over. Oh muensters, I’m so worried about him. He gets so mad. After making his traditional Tuna Samsarini, he fell to pieces…
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The Catholic Church issued an abrupt three-word plea to its followers this morning: “Stop farting immediately!” The statement stunned the faithful as they scrambled to make sense of the new ruling and figure out how to cease passing gas. The Real Mews caught up with Cardinal Jonathan Price who explained the reason behind the decree.…
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Hello again, I’m Borton Brahms, an award winning restaurateur and proud owner of over forty failing hotels. At some point, I promised that I would show you how to make a beautiful Tuna Samsarini, but then my stupid sister Margo took all of my recipes and threw them straight into the bidet!! But no bother.…
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If it’s up to Ericka Hyatt, today at noon everyone on Earth will collectively hold hands and sing Dustin Beaver’s “Owie.” Barges have been lined up bow to stern across the planet’s oceans, and canyons have been filled with concrete in anticipation of this tremendous event. The two and a half minute a capella is being…
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Do all of your friends run really fast? Do they stick their tongues out and blow raspberries at you while jetting by at 10-12 miles per hour?? Are you thinking about buying those bionic legs to impress them, but they just cost too much?? Well, before surgically removing your lower limbs, consider trying physical therapy…
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A woman’s near-death experience is exceptional this time, because it doesn’t contain any hallmarks of traditional reports. Monday morning, scientists at Jordan University introduced the case of Linda Cragg, whose heart stopped on an operating table for several minutes. In a bone-chilling interview, she detailed the harrowing episode. “Well at first it began as if I was…
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Hello and welcome to another stunning edition of The Devilish Dish. You may not know this, but I’ve always had a passion for flying around in bubble cars. Yes, I, Borton Brahms, routinely fly to a fro in a hovering motor machine whilst wearing a tweed cap and delighting my fellow countryfolk with elaborate and…
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In a startling upset to the green community, Sergeant Planet announced that he would stop focusing on bringing pollution down to zero, and begin addressing the numerous allegations of environmental misconduct leveled against him. The news was met with dismay by confused fans, and protestors spilled into the streets – many of them fed up…
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At The Real Mews we make a lot of jokes, but today we’d like to tell you about something we’ve been supporting passionately for the past forty years: The Bill Lagos Foundation. For only a dollar a day, a hard-working American can fund Mr. Lagos and his genetically engineered pet eagle, Timmy, for years to…
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“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” stated a collected Franklin Delano Roosevelt, his visage abruptly wan as he remembered the warm water brain eating amoeba. A sheer panic emerged and Roosevelt’s eyes darted toward several members of the crowd. “We have to boil the water, you idiots!!” he screamed, jumping off…
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