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Having trouble making meetings on time? Did you miss your own birthday because you got sidetracked by another meeting? Are you scheduling a meeting right now?? You need to get organized. Welcome to your new life 2.0 with the Power of Fire Personal Organizer. Just write your appointments onto a slip of paper and toss…
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In a stunning first, numerous conservative and liberal leaders have decided to join forces today. The announcement came amidst rumors on Capitol Hill that elected officials have finally ‘put aside their differences’ and will now focus their energy on ‘working for the common good of the people.’ Effectively creating a third party, they unanimously agreed that…
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The entertainment world was set ablaze Tuesday when The Classic Story of Tony Macaroni was released to eager movie-goers in theaters across the United States. Touted as the only true story of his life, and personally endorsed by Mr. Macaroni himself, critics have predicted sweeping wins at the Oscars this year. The film follows Macaroni…
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Hi everyone, The staff at The Real Mews would like to adress the alligations leveled against us recently by those in the media. First of all – how dair you! How daaiirr you!! You have alledged that our writers have never gone to gramer school – and that thay have never done gramer good –…
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Yesterday evening, legendary musician William Joyel suffered lethal but non-fatal injuries after stumbling from the top of his own piano. His manager, Rona Davidson, confirmed that William had indeed fallen to his demise and would never be able to live again. “The incident occurred on Saturday at John’s Tavern downtown,” Davidson explained. “As usual, William…
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Today we learned another fun tidbit about our favorite chef, Captain Chicken. Was his mother Wiccan? Well yes, but that’s not what we’re pickin’. Mr. Chicken is famous for offering his frickin’ chicken for a nickel a lickin’. And we ain’t trickin’. After perfecting his one hundred and three spice chicken, the captain knew he…
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For years, scientists have hotly debated the age-old question: Are you a poop or are you a pee? People who pee claim to enjoy higher metabolisms and a more active lifestyle, while people who poop tout the detoxifying benefits and increased metal acuity. As your reporter in the trenches, I decided to find out myself. I spent…
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In an event held by the Abraham Lincoln Association this afternoon, experts revealed that President Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address was in fact penned by his wife, Mary Todd Lincoln. Incredibly, this fact remained undiscovered until a week ago, when the original draft of her work was found in Chicago. “After her husband’s death, Mary moved into…
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Three years ago, emerging Icelandic pop-star, Gorko St. John, departed the planet — and ultimately the dimension — using a then relatively unknown form of bio-travel. Since branded the P/uː/pi Blastoff, the technique has long been hailed as a cheap and accessible form of bio-traversal, however, it has also being condemned by astrophysicists for inadvertently…
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Researchers at The Real Mews have now proven beyond any doubt that birds are secretly arranging the extinction of the human race and the complete annihilation of the planet we lovingly refer to as our Mother Earth. The Real Mews’ lead scientist, Tish Avery, broke the news to a stunned boardroom yesterday. “When I was…
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