Tag: Max and Grace Studios
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The Birds
Researchers at The Real Mews have now proven beyond any doubt that birds are secretly arranging the extinction of the human race and the complete annihilation of the planet we lovingly refer to as our Mother Earth. The Real Mews’ lead scientist, Tish Avery, broke the news to a stunned boardroom yesterday. “When I was…
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Thou Shall Not Pass
The Catholic Church issued an abrupt three-word plea to its followers this morning: “Stop farting immediately!” The statement stunned the faithful as they scrambled to make sense of the new ruling and figure out how to cease passing gas. The Real Mews caught up with Cardinal Jonathan Price who explained the reason behind the decree.…
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Borton Brahms’ Tuna Samsarini
Hello again, I’m Borton Brahms, an award winning restaurateur and proud owner of over forty failing hotels. At some point, I promised that I would show you how to make a beautiful Tuna Samsarini, but then my stupid sister Margo took all of my recipes and threw them straight into the bidet!! But no bother.…
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The Opposite of Pure Joy
If it’s up to Ericka Hyatt, today at noon everyone on Earth will collectively hold hands and sing Dustin Beaver’s “Owie.” Barges have been lined up bow to stern across the planet’s oceans, and canyons have been filled with concrete in anticipation of this tremendous event. The two and a half minute a capella is being…
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Gorton’s Physical Therapy
Do all of your friends run really fast? Do they stick their tongues out and blow raspberries at you while jetting by at 10-12 miles per hour?? Are you thinking about buying those bionic legs to impress them, but they just cost too much?? Well, before surgically removing your lower limbs, consider trying physical therapy…
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No Ma’am’s Land
A woman’s near-death experience is exceptional this time, because it doesn’t contain any hallmarks of traditional reports. Monday morning, scientists at Jordan University introduced the case of Linda Cragg, whose heart stopped on an operating table for several minutes. In a bone-chilling interview, she detailed the harrowing episode. “Well at first it began as if I was…
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The Drunk Swan
Last evening, customer service representative Kristi Williams finally completed the musical ballet she’s been writing and performing in front of her cats for over a decade. With a double plié and a final quadruple soubresaut, Kristi ended the first act, bowed, and proceeded to reflect on the pain that led her to dance like a complete…
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Father Gabriel’s Grand Hustle
A priest who once helped hospice patients cross over to the other side has ditched his Catholic tutelage to become a full-time professional runner in The Valley of the Dead. We talked with the former father, Francis Gabriel, as he explained this decision in elaborate detail. “It all started with Judith Robinson,” he began with a…
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Emission Possible
Hollywood was left in shock today after learning that one of their biggest stars has been habitually pooping in garbage cans on or around movie sets, and that his identity is close to being revealed. While refusing to name the suspect until DNA results are confirmed, film executive Donna Schneider sat down with The Real…
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“Tin Can Mike” de Nostredame
Today human history was altered in a way that even philosopher and se’er Nostradamus wouldn’t predict – or should we say – couldn’t predict. That’s because historians have finally unearthed the truth about Mr. Damus. Rare parchments were discovered in the cellars of the University of Montpellier last week that confirm a truth scholars have suspected…
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