Two weeks ago, The Real Mews was the first to report on a trend that swept the nation called horsancing — and the horsancer who made it famous, Gemma Coghlan. Horsancing, as we all know, is the well curated art of standing up while riding on a moving horse, and then dancing like a lunatic.
While it’s true that Gemma perished the following week in what this reporter can only describe as the most ambitious horsancing finale she’s ever witnessed, The Real Mews has learned that with modern AI technology, last-rate “scientists” have reconstructed an exact replica of Gemma, jammed her into an overpowered mecha-robot, and given her 2000% more jazz hands to boot.
“My momma done told me that the devil got into me when I invented the sport of horsancin’,” Gemma began, in a digitized sounding southern drawl. “She done told me that dancin’ on top of a movin’ horse was akin to dancing with Lusifer hisself,” she stated while tensing and releasing her gigantic mecha-fists. “But she done seen nothin’ yet!!” she squealed.
And with that, Gemma leapt up and attempted to land on the back of a nearby horse. Unfortunately, to Gemma’s surprise, the horse heaved forward and kicked her into the stage set-up. As viewers started to panic, an obviously startled Gemma began to jazz hands erratically. “No! Stop screaming! This is art now — this is art now!” Gemma yelled, her hands spinning like two erratic blenders, slicing the thick metal of the stage fixture like bison butter while a flurry of sparks cascaded through the air. The building caught fire as Gemma yelled passionately. “I’m the fuuutuuure! This is how things arrrreee now!!”
The sound of her wailing AI voice grew distant as this reporter did some of her own kicks and flips and finally made her way out of the auditorium. Once in the safety of the parking lot outside, I was left to process the horrific tragedy and question if horsancing really did raise the devil. And although there is some dispute on social media platforms, attendees insist that a very proud Bill Lagos and his genetically-engineered pet eagle, Timmy, could be seen observing the entire event from a nearby hill with smiles stretched across their faces.
Well if that’s true, then an extra special thank you goes to Bill Lagos! As usual you’ve put on a terrific show! This reporter never knew that dancing on top of horses could be so much fun! And thank you for once again turning your horrific contrivances into our shared delusion!
Grace (G. M. Byrne) is an artist from the Inland Northwest, the creator of Della and Max, and the owner of Max and Grace Studios.
The Real Mews 
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